1:15 a.m.

153 Ultimate Rock Ballads!

Because if they gave me 150 I would feel cheated, like they had not tried. 153 seems like a number that was given a lot of thought and that was all they could squeeze onto 9 CDs.

Call in the next 60 minutes and they drop 29.99 and you go from 5 payments to just 4 payments of 29.99. "Opportunity of a lifetime" is what I am told from The Kevin Cronin of REO Speed wagon, in a shirt he should know better not to wear but doesn't. If I had not stayed up past 1:15 a.m. before I would have believed him but I have been sold this line before. Do we just shut our brains off after 1:15? We sit in front of our TV's and I see mullet after mullet paraded with spandex, leather, aquanet, wet and dry, it does not matter. Mullets, mullets and even when I flip I get a "prophet" speaking for God. I'm sure God is speaking but I am not listening to any prophet with a wet, jerry curled white guy mullet. Now back to this deal of a lifetime…

Call in the next 10 minutes and you get the best of the 70's- Yes, Eddie Money and Kansas for free. That fact could get me over the lingering insecurity that my penus needs enlargement (wow, Lord please don't let my mother see this) and I can't afford the "natural" supplements that I apparently need but I can afford the 120.00 dollars for 153 rock ballads. I need more Steve Perry in my life. No one ever told him that he looks like he got out of the shower, left his hair flat and sings like a woman to other women. Weren't the 80's so wonderful? "Meatloaf just has one of those voices that gives you goose bumps"-did I just hear that? I have goose bumps and I'm craving ground beef topped with ketchup.

I don't think I can fight this feeling any more, should I buy this C.D. set? Can these songs take me high enough because love hurts and I could close my eyes, only for just a moment but the moment could be gone. Maybe I should buy this C.D. set because this is more than a feeling, surely. I want to know what love is and I know these songs could show me because I don't know if this is love, I've been searching for it, but how will I know true love. I need 153 lessons on true love. It's like I am having a total eclipse of the heart, I can't see. At least they can help me narrow it down to girls named Oh'Sherrie, Sara, Carrie, Beth, Amanda, Rosanna (let's go all the way) or your sister Christian.

This is almost paradise. Thank you Time life. Thank you