Thursday, February 28, 2008

"Pisseth", The worst sermon ever preached

Wow this is bad, painful, sad, funny, bad and painful. For those of you near Tempe, AZ, feel free to drop in on pastor Steve L. Anderson and show him what a male or female can do with a hard cover copy of the ESV. Also, I'm dieing to know what our local church pew illustrator, John Hendrix, would put in his sketch book after this sermon. Enjoy!

Monday, February 25, 2008

Jesus is a rat with feet

I'm sorry, what? Have you ever been singing a song for a long time and then you get the look. The look of the informed who say's "It's Jesus is just alright with me." This website "" is a site that documents that confusion.

I would love to hear your stories about stuff you really botched. My best so far is that while holding my fiancee I sang those great lines from the Todo song "Rosana" with great compassion "Let's go all the way." The look...... it's "meet you all the way." "Really?"

I know you all have done this so fess up.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Number One!

I have arrived. I have been working at this for months hoping that someday it would happen and finally today I have arrived. If you Google Kevin Bley we're number one baby. I really don't know who to thank first. Jesus, we did this together and I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. For my Jewish friends I just also want to thank Moses and Abraham who without their patriarchal and law like giving this would not be possible. Thanks to the makers of Crocs, Velveeta and really slow people at grocery stores who give me such great content. To my fiancee Leslie who introduced me to the comma and made this sentence correct by putting the correct "to" in its right place. I'm humbled. Keep reading and if you get bored just Google my name to kill time. I can hear the music but I also couldn't leave this blog tonight without thanking the man who got me started in my career, Aaron Spelling. I know your watching from up there somewhere, thank you.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

True Jackassery

Here are some funny, clever people who aren't cruel but have a good laugh in the stunts they pull in public. Check out there work here- link

Grand Central Freeze

No Shirt, No Problems.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Not of this planet

Here is a fine blog post from someone who is becoming a "foodie". The post is about something I am convinced did not originate on this planet, Velveeta. It's gooey, yellow, binding but I am sorry it is not cheesy because it ain't cheese. How do I know such a thing? Scientific observation. When you have left any cheese in the fridge to long the inevitable happens, mold. This did not stop my grandfather from "digging and carving" and finding the good cheese deep down. I can appreciate his efforts but green fuzz is where I stop caring about the food.

My old roommate from years ago made something that he called "Super Dip". This consisted of putting in a crock pot two logs of Velveeta, two cans of Velveeta, spicy rotel tomatoes and one lb of browned sausage. Not only will this stick to your ribs but also to the hull of an air craft carrier. He made this dip one time and did not clean the remnants in the crock pot for 6 months. What happened? Nothing, holy crap, nothing. No single celled organism saw fit to call that yellow wasteland home. Velveeta is from another planet and should be an element on the periodic table.
Ve- Velveetium. It is not cheese.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

How it all went down

Because we didn't get tired of telling the story and I realize pictures would help and some of you don't know how I snagged the Croc Lady and I love typing run on sentences, here is the story.

I was finally able to take hold of the ring a week ago friday (215 lbs of scrap copper, a 100.00 bill found on the ground) helped compose this lovely lovely ring. If you are in St. Louis go see David Kodner because he is a good man and an unbelievable jeweler. I didn't exactly lie but did tell Leslie that there was something wrong with the ring on Wed. (true, it wasn't engraved but I was going to get it two days later) I was really just omitting information.

We had planned dinner and both of us assumed we had the gift certificate to the restaurant we were going to. This small interaction could be a foretaste of future events but she swore she gave it to me to "manage" and I swore that I never received it to "manage". I think I probably lost it but we let that all go and enjoyed a fine meal. I convinced her to go back to the apartment to "recreate" something from our relationship. I actually did fool her and I was so glad that we did this early in the evening because I was getting sick to my stomach.

Amy, Chris and Tirzah ( the flower fairies) came in behind us leaving and decorated the apartment. When you turned the corner you saw this.

There were candles lit everywhere and these three daisies leading the way towards the "precious" aka the ring. (currently there are two people laughing hardily at the precious reference. This is one of my best times jokes ever in a prayer group in Nashville about an engagement ring. For those of you not there you missed a comedic gold moment)

I think Leslie was kind of surprised and didn't expect that there was going to be a ring at all. The three flowers lead to the rest of the flowers. The box was really cool and had a bow that tied it together. There were 30 flowers mixed on the table of daises and roses so the three on the floor made 33. That's how long she waited for a man like me. Surely worth the wait (i'm speaking for her I suppose).

We got to enjoy the moment for approximately a minute and a half of being engaged when there was a knock at the kitchen door. Her landlord had come up the back steps to tell her about the rock salt she had put down. Thanks Deb. We did not answer the door and got real quiet.

So here are some happy pics of us, the ring, the flowers.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Mrs. Croc Lady and the Romance of Groundhogs Day

The Croc. Lady has succumb to my wit and charm and she said yes to my slurred marriage proposal (i messed up her name first time asking. She was not going to say yes to "Lerslie")

Pictures coming soon...