7 things you didn't know

I was tagged by Mrs. Maynor to do this and I had to think of seven things for a while because I am so well known. My celebrity, self-perceived celebrity, made this work difficult. I finally have seven and here they are:

1. I think literature in the bathroom is disgusting and I am afraid of it. Magazines, books, pamphlets are all absorbent germ carriers. I don't want anyones hands occupied with anything other than themselves while in the bathroom. A 110 page issue of Instyle magazine is capable of carrying the germ equivalent of 31 two year old boys (they have done studies). How gross!! If you want to read in the bathroom: laminated on the wall. No hands touching it and easily cleaned.

2. I can't stand Prince. I love music but I can't stand this man. A sub-category would be my least favorite song "Hey, What's going on" by Four non-blonds. This should be banned from the radio.

3. I don't know how to tie a neck-tie. All of my ties stay neatly tied in my closet ready to slip on at a moments notice. The tie I wore for graduation was untied and I had the parking lot attendant tie it for me. Think I could make it to 40 without learning this?

4. I'm a conspiracy theorist ( I think). Either I'm listening to the wrong people, connecting to many dots but I'm starting to look more and more at the connection of all kinds of stuff. I don't think I'm crazy, yet. I'm convinced that NBC is on the take with GE (whom they are owned by) with all this green week stuff/propaganda. NBC's green week was promoting bulbs and technology that their parent company makes and never ever disclose this stuff. It's all shady. Don't get me started on the pentaverate that meets at the Shire and the work of Oprah.

5. My life mirrors much of Napoleon Dynamite:

• The super long phone cord. Ours could stretch for two rooms and we had the same brown paneling.
• feed the sheep/llama this. My mom would pull stuff out of the refrigerator, often a casserole dish, and I would go out there with a big spoon and start slinging stuff over the fence. I never did call the sheep "fat lards" though.
• my first girlfriend. She looked like and talked just like that girl Deb. It was kind of creepy at first but this girl was a dead ringer for my first girlfriend in high school, Charlene. She also wore a similar puffy dress to the prom, it was purple and her hair due was equally as shocking.
• the long country bus rides. I lived in the middle of now where and I had those long bus rides just like Napoleon. He kind of ruled the back of the bus but I was not that lucky. We had the Lewis brothers and their greasy mullets and rat tails to deal with.
• my friend Rex Quondo. I have a good friend who looks just like Rex, is really into martial arts and when we had watched the movie together his wife had "just" made him throw his nun-chucks away. He found this movie amazingly painful to watch.

6. I'm a conservationist. I think the word environmentalist comes with way to much baggage these days and with plenty of crazy hypocrites. It is also one letter shorter and less wasteful than the previous title. I remember conservation officers and they respected nature, wanted land managed well and cooperated and respected creation. I'm down with all these things and I don't want to waste and enjoy creation. So I'm a conservationist.

7. I have a shoe buying phobia. Growing up you got what was on sale. I think this is where it started for me. You didn't get what you liked so choosing shoes these days leads to much panic and when I went shopping with Leslie this winter I sort of freaked out at the Mall. Only people like Andy Alexander had the new Air Jordans every year and he was athletic, good looking and had the most popular girl in school, Sarah Higgins. He got everything he wanted, except the STD's that Sarah gave him. I'm pretty sure that was not on his list of must haves.