Efficiently wasting your time

Castration is almost never funny

2009-08-20T21:07:00.001-07:00

Here is the one exception. This is a Dutch show I believe on medical procedures that went really wrong. You can see the women in the wheel chair and what has happen to her. The man next to her has the host a little thrown.

Enjoy. I think I might write a review of the Time Travelers Wife because it was such a fun and odd experience. Hopefully that will be next.

Collecting Disinformation? Yea, there is an app. for that.

2009-08-20T18:48:00.000-07:00

Clever little parody for those who have an Iphone and want to engage in political discourse in America. Iphone, what can't you do?

First Lady of Clogging

2009-08-05T08:01:00.001-07:00

Don't let anyone tell you that clogging can't take you places. My brother sent me this link to a local country station and their morning show. He teaches this women how to clog. I didn't realize that this is the governors wife. She loved it so much that she is clogging with Eric's group at the State Fair next week. So along with her many duties that week at the State Fair one of them will be clogging with the Hoedown Express. Clogging can indeed take you places.

The Definition of Complexity

2009-07-27T09:33:00.000-07:00

This story helped me to begin to understand just how Toxic and complicated the toxic assets are to clean up and understand. It was just not that mortgages were bundled and pooled to be sold but how many times this happened and how amazingly hard it is now to gauge the value of this swimming pool of mortage debt. The numbers in this article are pretty interesting. In some cases there are 20 million pieces of information needed to gauge value. Also, lots of acronyms.

Making an Entrance

2009-07-26T18:46:00.001-07:00

If we had to do our wedding all over again I would hope we would have the guts to do something this cool. Maybe we should renew our vows.

Turtleman

2009-07-12T14:50:00.000-07:00

The only thing to come out of Kentucky more potent then their bourbon is turtle man. This guy, I think, would turn heads at a Wafflehouse. If you have never gone into an old pond on a farm before then you don't know what kind of smell comes from that awful black mud. It smells worse than a truckstop bathroom after Lucifer himself got a hold of some bad Indian food.

So please do enjoy this cultural journey?

Shopping at TJ Max

2009-06-30T05:45:00.000-07:00

This news article comically describes most of our shopping experiences at a TJ Max. My favorite reference is to the L.A. Gear sneakers. I think I had a pair of those things. Does this best describe TJ Maxx for you?

Difficult To Tell If T.J. Maxx Hit Hard By Recession

Tweeting Farsi

2009-06-25T16:22:00.000-07:00

I took one look at Twitter and said no way. My thoughts could be best summed up in this story by the news makers at the Onion. Twitter Creator on Iran: "I never intended Twitter to be useful"

Food Debrief: BBQ find and ice cream

2009-06-19T20:34:00.000-07:00

Eating is so much fun and finding good food that you can celebrate is why God gave me extra taste buds. I'm convinced mine are above average and that I have more of them than you do.

I used to recommend two BBQ places in STL. Pappy's and Plush Pig. Take Plush Pig off your list. They changed some things to save money and did not do them selves any favors. Their beans are not as good, they changed their best side, Red skin potato salad, into some cubed potato creamed nightmare. Pappy's is for real and you need to get yourself over there. Sweet Potato French Fries and Pork are a winning combination. Just ask this guy.

You can now add The Shaved Duck to your list. Oh Baby they clearly like good food. I had the smoked chicken wings with mango habanaro. Praise Jesus for cornbread done right as well. They had so many fun things on the menu. A must date night if you live in the Lou. Its in S. City in a cool building.

Secondly, Trader Joes strikes again with a sweet treat. They have a vanilla ice cream that is the thickest and creamiest ice cream I have ever had. It's perfect for floats or we have been taking peaches and slicing them and then I sprinkle cinnamon on them and blow Leslie's mind. When my taste buds and brain combine to work together you get sweet, creamy love.

Finally, I cooked the perfect chicken breasts last week. I marinated in Rosemary and Italian dressing for 24 hours and nursed them on the grill to tender juicy perfection. I almost under cooked them. I was bold and it paid off. Please, I beg you, stop over cooking your chicken. You don't know what you are missing.

Youth Pastor Job opening

2009-06-18T14:23:00.000-07:00

I search job opening lists for pastoral work weekly and there are always youth pastor jobs open. The description typically includes something about being high energy, have a vision for youth, blah blah "we want a guru" for teenagers who they think will be cool. The coolness factor can't be under estimated. Every insane stereotype is condensed into this Youth Pastor, Ignatius. Enjoy.

Grocery Shopping

2009-05-23T09:08:00.000-07:00

Part of our job at RUF summer conference is moving our "groceries". This was about a 1,200 dollar grocery run between kitchens. When you load the roof I think you call them viddles.

Blogging is Dead

2009-05-16T17:54:00.000-07:00

I know I am not but blogging for me seems dead. I don't really get all that geared up about facebook anymore either. I do feel I owe it to this blog to give this another try though. My little faithful blog has still kept Kevin Bley, the me version, as #1 on a google search for Kevin Bley. You have to go through me to get to all other Kevin Bley related material. I've got a week at the beach with out my wife so time is something I have. I'll fire a few posts out there and see if this is dead or not. Is it too late to cover humorous Easter related material?

The Secret changed my life

2009-01-11T15:01:00.000-08:00

If you go to Amazon and search for the book "The Secret", you will see that the most helpful review is called "The Secret Saved my Life". A riveting story of a man, Ari Brouillette, down on his luck and hoping to draw positive things into his life. It's worth reading this review and the comments it inspires. Thanks to my buddy Trevor for putting this on his blog and giving me and my wife a good laugh.

Come and get it!!

2009-01-11T11:49:00.000-08:00

The table was set this year for our cowboy Christmas. If you have a low tolerance for denim this might be a hard post for you. My mom did another great job this year of having a theme all tied together from cowboy santas, chuck wagon Christmas ornaments and even a snowman riding a cow. Leslie and I got to bring home the chuck wagon ornament as well a armadillo wearing a cowboy hat and throwing a lasso to also hang on the tree. I had a hard time getting dressed into the them but my brother and nieces showed great enthusiasm in dressing with the theme.

We were all standing outside because everything
we cooked for the meal was done in dutch ovens with hot coals
The temperatures were around 36, so not to bad but
the best place to stand was between the prime rib and the
peach cobbler. You got some nice radiant heat from the roast and cobbler and a combination wiff of peaches and beef.
This is where I spent most of my time.

You can see all the goodies lined up here on the counter.
We did three types of beans, two cobblers and about a 15 pound prime rib ( have a picture of my bare foot next to the roast to show how big it is but can't find the pick).

The bean count was overwhelming. One was a multi-bean medley so we got to experience over a half-dozen types of beans including some special bean that is grown out west by Indians. The peach cobbler with the orange zest was definitely my favorite. I recommend doing this twist on the cobbler and making sure you have vanilla ice cream on hand.

I was so proud of Leslie for getting into the theme with joy and sporting her denim and bandanna with pride. It was a fun and successful cowboy Christmas.
There is talk of a Caribbean Christmas next year.
(Can you find Bob the Rooster??)

Help for you Moms

2009-01-07T20:41:00.001-08:00

I could not resist commenting on a friends blog about advice she was seeking on all things mother related. I think this helped:

"A few notes on nipple chaffing:

Using good old fashion Vaseline is the way to go. It's thick, cheap and has been around since the 50's so it is proven.

I agree with Maria about Huggies wipes. I found them to be thicker and gentler on my sensitive bits than the generic brand products.

Comparing all the formulas I would have to go with Enfamil, though it's pricey, as the best to blend with Hershey's Syrup. It's the best chocolate milk taken through a nipple, bar none!

Hope this was helpful and wish I had advice on keeping the milk flow up but I had a falling out with my lactation coach about setting goals.

Keep the faith."

Christmas 08

2009-01-01T18:12:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time since I blogged but I'm back and we have a new camera so we should have some fun photos to accompany whatever story is being told. Leslie and I drove 1491 miles for Christmas and sampled Chick Fil-a 4 times. The critter with the cowboy hat is our Armadillo ornament from this years Cowboy Christmas 2008. I'll tell that story here soon and you get to see Leslie in alot of denim, minus the acid wash. She fought the urge to crimp her hair and I was really proud of her.

What do you do if the monster is in your room?

2008-11-08T11:27:00.001-08:00

Here is what this three year old concluded:

Whales

2008-10-28T15:28:00.000-07:00

Oh the Whales! Humpbacks off the Coast of Gloucester (don't pronounce the C for some reason) Mass. We saw about 12-14 of these amazing creatures. These two came really close and I kind of got excited. It was planet earth from 5 feet away. Amazing.

The Water Balloon Hearings

2008-10-23T08:39:00.000-07:00

After seeing the news of the hearings they were going to have on Capital Hill about the financial crisis and who was leading them, I had a thought. This is very much like the hearings we had in my house over 20 years ago as to "Why doesn't the TV work right now?" It was a mystery because nothing looked smashed or broken. (I'll be playing the role of Senator Chris Dodd in this story). So my mom looked at both of us and asked me what happened. I was always the credible one between me and my brother and it was almost always his fault, so it made sense for my Mom to ask me what happened. I had the floor, set the agenda and plainly said that my brother Eric was at fault, no questions. He was the guilt party and that was the end of that. This is how I feel about these hearings. This WSJ article points this fact out about asking the trustworthy person, Sen. Dodd, to run the hearings. Only problem being no one has taken more money from Fannie and Freddie, had special favors given to him by Country Wide mortage and actually oversaw the banking comm. for the last 2 plus years but Dodd.

I don't know if the hearings will ever happen were Sen. Dodd gets called to sit infront of the microphone but here is my moment:

I broke a water balloon over the TV. Don't ask me why or how but fortunately the TV dried out and started working again.

How to not help the poor.

2008-10-23T08:14:00.000-07:00

Here is a fantastic clip on how unhelpful and even destructive government policies of good intention were. I was blown away by the stats on Washington D.C. and what the marriage rates were pre-1963 in the black community and the beginnings of government programs.

If your a Christian then you really need to be thinking about this and what it means to first answer the call to love your neighbor and then figure out how to best do that act.

Norrrrmmmm

2008-10-22T09:40:00.000-07:00

Being tourists was awesome.

Bawston

2008-10-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

Les and I got to take a great trip to Boston last weekend and had an amazing time with her sister and boyfriend. We got to see both the city and others parts of Mass so you get the tour over the next few days.

Apple picking was the first activity after we got settled the next morning. This orchard was crazy huge and I participated in the "Three apple challenge" with Leslie's sister Laurie. There were amazing candied apples and the goal was three but we called a truce at two. Jaw fatigue, sugar rushes and nuts really kept three apples a legitimate challenge and not for the weak.

They had these really cool ladders to climb in the trees. I kept thinking about what their liability payments must be with unattended ladders around the property you can climb at your discretion.
Colors. Lots of Colors. This last picture was taken in Concord and the sun was just shining through these leaves as I sat and ate my monster Lobster roll, with Lobster Bisque. Lobster will show up again later.

Palin is so street

2008-10-20T18:16:00.000-07:00

Hopefully you stayed up late enough to catch this re-appearance by Palin on the News Update on SNL. Hilarious.

Hot off the Presses

2008-10-17T09:06:00.000-07:00

If you are looking for a good study Bible then I would recommend getting this baby.

The ESV study bible has been a long time in the making but just looking at the contributors and knowing alot of them, you can't go wrong. This is by far, in my humble opinion, the best study Bible ever put together. If you ever went to Covenant Seminary or know of it then you will recognize alot of the names who put this together. It really is some world class work. So go get you one, it's on my Christmas list already.

Character Counts

2008-10-15T18:21:00.000-07:00

This was a really good article about Why How you do something, like business, does matter. Nice to hear someone say that America got away from just common sense money management. It was interesting that one of the main arguments as to why you should do things ethically is how connected we are technologically. People will see what you are up to so you better be doing them ethically. That's true but I can think of a better reason.

Worst ever out of the Closet

2008-10-13T12:20:00.000-07:00

Pound for pound I think the worst thing ever put on film was this R. Kelly train wreck "Trapped in the Closet." It's a 22 part video-soap opera narration called "hip-hopera" that gets worse as it goes on. The more I read on this thing, I believe they are serious. This is not meant to be funny at all, thus making it hilarious.

This clip is only 3.45 and it is by far the best part of the movie. It only gets worse. If you want to watch a longer 20 minute version, it will feel like 40 minutes have gone by, then enjoy this beauty.

Does anyone want to submit something that smells worse??

Worst Ever??

2008-10-11T06:35:00.000-07:00

Please enter your submissions for the worst movie you have ever seen. I have a train wreck that I don't believe can be beat but I want to know just how low to set the collective bar. What do you got?

Vols orange for this convict

2008-10-08T09:17:00.000-07:00

They finally found the person who hacked Sarah Palin's email and he is none other than a UT economics student. I'm sure the university must be proud of their little volunteer but at least his volunteer orange will come in handy. Amazing that this kid could get 5 years for something small but monumentally stupid. I believe the next step in the investigation is to somehow link Phillip Fulmer to this case so that UT can get rid of their football coach at the same time. Some argue what he is currently doing to the football program might be criminal.

The Science of the Sandwich

2008-10-07T17:02:00.001-07:00

Come with me into the kitchen where I make myself happy. Putting together a rocking sandwich basically takes two things. Boldness, because cooking in fear is not what we were made for and the gospel is true even in the kitchen and second is good basic ingredients.

I have been rocking some fun sandwiches lately and it's not just enough to build them, you have got to heat those babies up. I'm getting crazy here and I fired up two skillets because one was already dirty. This is a grilled sandwich with Turkey and White cheddar.
Start with two day old Bread Company bread. I have access to lots of old bread, so giant loaves of bread I can slice is great. You need like half a square foot to work with on these things. You need to get that Turkey grilled and hot first. It will not have time to heat in this monster sandwich. In the skillet on the right is a piece of bread with olive oil, I like this better than spreading butter, and three pieces of sharp white cheddar, thin sliced red onion and oregano. This is a winning combination as I have found that especially Vermont white cheddar and oregano make a great pair.

You can see what I am working with here on my crazy fun cutting board. Now what you see in the very front of you is not an optical illusion. That is sour cream. This is what I mean about not cooking out of fear because the gospel is true in the kitchen. I use it like mayonnaise on one side of the sandwich. That melted into the cheese adds this great creaminess that you just can't resist.

Now according to my food research lab (basically how I feel after I eat this thing) it comes in at under 648 calories not including sides. You do have to keep the heat low and since I'm using gas I keep an eye on everything. You have to treat this sandwich with love and respect like you are making a risotto or nursing a Puma cub back to health. All three endeavors take love, boldness and attention.

This was paired with a side of salsa verde and chips. So be brave my friends and start slicing, heating, cutting and melting your way into your own heart and fill your stomach and taste buds with the things you would so love.

This would be a staple in any restaurant I ever started.

My Fighting Cardinals

2008-10-05T16:50:00.000-07:00

This wonderful football season got way more interesting when my alma mater Ball State cracked the AP top 25 at 25. We are over achievers! In honor of these feat, it would be only appropriate to bring back the greatest sports caster in Ball State history.

In these troubled times

2008-10-02T07:44:00.000-07:00

This from Proverbs has been a good reminder of both what the pursuit of the love of money leads to and where our leaders stand before God.

Proverbs 21:1-8 The king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will. 2 Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the heart. 3 To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice. 4 Haughty eyes and a proud heart, the lamp of the wicked, are sin. 5 The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty. 6 The getting of treasures by a lying tongue is a fleeting vapor and a snare of death. 7 The violence of the wicked will sweep them away, because they refuse to do what is just. 8 The way of the guilty is crooked, but the conduct of the pure is upright.

2 happiest days

2008-09-30T13:16:00.001-07:00

In the background you will see our happiest day to date. In the foreground you will see Leslie's second happiest day to date. She loves linguine and I am so happy to make it. This dish is linguine puttanesca. Kalamata Olives, capers, tomatoes, some spices and 10 anchovies. It's bold, powerful and crazy good. This proves again that a large bowl of good pasta will make everything alright.

Church signs enter the 21st Century

2008-09-28T13:03:00.000-07:00

I'm in charge of the church sign, so should I put this in the lineup? It connects where people are at.

Supervillian?

2008-09-25T20:26:00.001-07:00

This is my awesome morning hair. Leslie refers to this phenomanana as my Syndrome hair. I am not completely convinced but it is obvious that I love my new phone, its camera and it clearly loves me. You can compare and contrast for yourselves.

Get out of Jail Free

2008-09-23T08:49:00.000-07:00

Tucked into the current 700 Billion dollar bail out package before Congress is this interesting line:

"Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency."

Other than reporting to congress once every six month's it is totally up to the discretion of the Secretary of the Treasury of what to do with 700 Billion. That's 2,324 dollars for every man, women and child.

There should be a wife-clause in this thing where he should have to at least ask his wife what she thinks. Doesn't every man have a wife clause? Maybe this is the solution.

Sesame Street is wrong.

2008-09-20T21:43:00.000-07:00

Sharing is not fun or good when it comes to a bed. I have wacked Leslie many times already and sleeping has been a chore. The biggest problem is that I rip the sheets off of her. We realized that we didn't have to share and this has been great. We each have our own sheet and it's wonderful

We both are sleeping well.

Wedding Pics

2008-09-11T14:50:00.000-07:00

Here are a few teasers of the many lovely pictures taken during our wedding.

Shaking your replaced hip

2008-09-10T15:16:00.000-07:00

One of the great treats of the honeymoon happened to us at the local Wal-Mart. This was a classic retro Wal-Mart from 1992. We made a quick run out of our hotel room to smuggle in refreshments that were not 3.00 dollars a can and got some snacks and other fun things to pass the time of sitting on our bed and watching it rain. There was an older lady in front of us, your classic grandma type, buying two things. One of them made total sense, all purpose flour, but I was struggling to figure out the CD she was holding in her hand. She went on to the cashier about how she was so glad it was out and it became clear she was not buying this for her grandson.

We had sometime out front of the store, because there was a massive storm passing by, to inquire what in the world is going on here. So here is our friends new awesome album. She thinks he is the most talented singer and he can sing anything. She also likes that Jesus is in some of the titles of his songs. Can you imagine your grandma making biscuits with her all purpose flour and asking her to turn down the Kid Rock? A late wedding present for us to enjoy.

Palinmania

2008-09-03T20:41:00.001-07:00

If I got a McCain/Palin Bumper sticker and cut his name out would this be okay? Les and I had a blast watching her speak. She did everything with a smile and did it all like a hotty version of Tina Fey. I might just write her in and not vote for McCain. What did you people think? Does she have the Mom vote?

Loosing a Legend

2008-09-02T14:35:00.000-07:00

Mr. Jerry Reed, the Snowman to those who loved Smokey and the Bandit, died today. This man dripped with talent, flair and good old fashioned culture.

East bound and Out was his crown laid upon the movie Smokey and the Bandit but my absolute favorite is Amos Moses. No one has ever written a better song about alligator hunting. Please enjoy my tribute to Jerry and feel free to share your thoughts and memories of this icon of country fame and trucker lore.

Your choice?

2008-08-26T14:28:00.001-07:00

You have 4 pants suits you think might work. Which one do you think will make the cut for tonight's speech by Hillary?

Sooo glad we came home early

2008-08-22T14:33:00.000-07:00

Jacksonville

AA Connection

5383

5:14 PM

C23

The demise of our intended flight.

Preperation H

2008-08-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

H is for honeymoon that we have loved the most but H is for hurricane that is coming up the coast.

I suck as Dr. Seuss but we are leaving town today to get away from Tropical Storm Fay who wishes to get charged up in the Atlantic before coming into our neck of the woods North of Jacksonville.

What is interesting is how they prepare for a hurricane here. Where do you put all your pool chairs when the wind is supposed to come through?

I didn't sleep to well last night thinking of this and my dear wife was up at 6 but she was worried about what was going to happen to the turtles with all the water. We have gopher turtles that live in the sand dunes by the condo and we have enjoyed them but they really don't do water. Les wants to know what the plan is for the turtles so she couldn't sleep. I love this women.

So we are going to finish up our honeymoon in St. Louis, which has had much nicer weather than we have had but the days that were sunny here were amazing and I have the burnt everything to prove it.

His and Hers

2008-08-14T09:23:00.001-07:00

-Thank you Crocs for joining this man and this woman-

A slice of the party

2008-08-14T08:29:00.001-07:00

If you want to see a possible shot of yourself dance, i.e. John Hendrix, then you can go to this link and see a 3 minute video clip of our wedding. Big Red Box Pro. Just click on wedding and you will find it.

More on the honeymoon later...

Neck to Neck

2008-08-06T07:11:00.000-07:00

The raw and unbridled violence of nature and it's not even shark week anymore. When my aunt told me about the fighting giraffes I was intrigued. You can look for yourselves. They just calmly stand there next to each other and then necks start flying. Enjoy the background of the Japanese tourists commenting.

Saturday Groove

2008-08-02T07:55:00.000-07:00

I have done you a great injustice not including these guys in the Saturday groove. Robert Randolph and the Family band. They are going to tour this fall with Third Day, Switchfoot and Jars of Clay on the "Christian bands that don't suck" tour. Should be amazing. Here David Letterman is even impressed and the horn section gives them a round of applause.

Meterological Prayers

2008-07-31T15:11:00.000-07:00

We have been worried that it would be 103, classic August weather, on the day of our wedding. Because this summer has been crazy with rain and weather I made a bold prayer often for 84 degrees. Well, here is the revised 10 day forecast for August 9th that had me tear up. Link...

No Mas Por Favor

2008-07-30T21:22:00.000-07:00

I am a national statistic. Not the celebrity I wished to gain but I get to join the cast of Americans who were introduced to salmonilla. They finally found where the outbreaks where coming from, the serrano and jalapeno peppers. I can't believe that a place that is so near and dear to my heart would treat me this way but I was introduced to this lovely virus by my dear friends at Mi Ranchito a.k.a. the Ranch. A lovely Sunday lunch of chimichangas turned into a hellish Monday.

I hate throwing up. I despise throwing up, I dislike it more strongly than being nauseous. ( My day long nausea had me declaring out loud that I would never have a baby at one point and can't imagine three months of that). It is amazing how much the nausea can color your world and you think about how people could even consider eating food at a time like this. Now, I have had a healthy second run at my non-vomitting string since 2001 incident and of course previous to this great '01 streak there was over 15 years of not letting them fly known as "The Streak". I hate throwing up and i got good at not doing it. I don't have a weak constitution so I can weather most things but this Salmonilla monster decided that Monday night it would let me know how they party south of the border.

My dear dear future wife is encouraging me to throw up and I refuse to do this but I go to the bathroom with a huge knot in my stomach and I am shaking and shivering. I find out later she is praying for me in the other room to just throw up. The Whole Trinity must have tuned into this prayer because I decided, against all my instincts, to start pushing on this knot. Leslie's prayer was answered once for the Father .... and then the Son.... and then the Holy Spirit.... and then Estele Gette ( she went before her time).

I have to give a ringing endorsement to the shower curtain that my aunt gave use because it cleaned up so well with just a little bleach. I'm almost 100% but sad that the place Leslie and I had our first date was the cause of another first for her as well, "in sickness or in health." I can hear wedding bells or maybe I am still dehydrated.

Learning from the best

2008-07-06T19:13:00.000-07:00

I love reading Eugene Peterson. He has a ton of wise experience as a pastor and a great way of expressing it. I am only working about 10 hours at the church and I already don't know how people could do this 50 hours a week. It's pretty extraordinary to think about and there is a great deal of pain and glory all together. I preached this Sunday and it' s a really tender place to be after the sermon and I can't imagine doing that week in and week out. Much to be learned on this front. All that aside I found great encouragement and a laugh in this Peterson quote:
"Sometimes I feel like a back-woods fundamentalist or somebody carrying a sign around Times Square that says REPENT. But I've been a pastor for thirty-five years, and I don't trust people one inch in defining what they need. We don't know ourselves. We need God to tell us what we need."

Saturday Moove

2008-06-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

Moving this week into the new place. There are boxes everywhere but Leslie is doing an amazing job and having a mother-in-law here who is an interior designer is making for some fun times of pretty colors. I'll get some pictures up this week of the one room with no boxes, our living room. The more time I spend in this place I feel like God has been wrapping things up in bows and giving us so many things to enjoy over these last two weeks. It's been rich and exhausting and also exhausting.

Saturday Groove

2008-06-20T20:54:00.000-07:00

A video omage to all the instant celebrities that the internet creates. Groove to Weezer this fine morning

3.83!!

2008-06-16T21:48:00.000-07:00

I got excited when I saw this today. How can that number for a gallon of gas elicit such a reaction? I guess I'm glad it is not 3.89 and that St. Louis is below the national average but I was still shocked at my reaction. I have what I think is a coherent explanation of what is causing oil to be so expensive for us right now that I know you will not here from your Presidential candidates. I'll post that tomorrow and you see what you think. Also, I think I have figured out women. It's going to be a good week people.

Saturday Groove

2008-06-14T08:47:00.000-07:00

Back by semi-popular demand, the ukulele guy. Flaminco style. Feel the passion from the mini-guitar.

Saturday Groove

2008-06-07T05:24:00.000-07:00

This man has a dear place in my heart because the first time I saw him live changed how I had seen a guitar played before. I didn't know anything about alternate tunings and really had not seen anyone command his instrument before until Tommy. He's Australian and I love his musicianship and the beauty of the songs he composes. It's a good morning groove for this Saturday.

Genetics trump Hygene

2008-06-01T20:30:00.000-07:00

The last time I had visited the dentist this guy was being considered for president of the United States. As you do the math in your head then you realize that it had been far to long since I had been to the dentist. I was honestly prepared for the worse new possible. I dreamed of and considered how I would handle the pain of some one drilling into my tooth and my wisdom teeth being cut from my head. My teeth would hurt often and gums bleed so I thought the dentist was going to be shocked.

About three minutes into the process of my hygienist cleaning my teeth she said "You have good teeth." Really? Turns out that the gift of my teeth handed down from my family have trumped all the years of neglect of cleaning my teeth.

In the fourth minute of cleaning she said, "We can't do this all at once." I had to have two cleanings to get my teeth clean. I was prepared by my friend Peter for this reality as he had the same experience and he wore out his hygienist and she could go no further.

Biblically, gaps appeared where they had not in years. The glory of the whole trip was to be praised by more than one person about how good my teeth are and to find out I did not have a single cavity.

So I got a new and powered tooth brush out of the whole deal and my teeth fell awesome. I'm glad my awesome genes fought back 15 years of neglect but I don't plan on going another 15 with my next visit.

Saturday Groove

2008-05-31T10:01:00.001-07:00

Another groove for you to enjoy that would have happened sooner if not for the death of my computer charger.

Enjoy the Ukulele, George Harrison, Central Park and a guy named Jake.

Saturday Groove

2008-05-24T08:23:00.000-07:00

Maybe a new feature, i don't have any features so this is really new and maybe debuted, is some Saturday groove music for you.

Enjoy the acoustic styling of this Toto song:

7 things you didn't know

2008-05-22T06:26:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by Mrs. Maynor to do this and I had to think of seven things for a while because I am so well known. My celebrity, self-perceived celebrity, made this work difficult. I finally have seven and here they are:

1. I think literature in the bathroom is disgusting and I am afraid of it. Magazines, books, pamphlets are all absorbent germ carriers. I don't want anyones hands occupied with anything other than themselves while in the bathroom. A 110 page issue of Instyle magazine is capable of carrying the germ equivalent of 31 two year old boys (they have done studies). How gross!! If you want to read in the bathroom: laminated on the wall. No hands touching it and easily cleaned.

2. I can't stand Prince. I love music but I can't stand this man. A sub-category would be my least favorite song "Hey, What's going on" by Four non-blonds. This should be banned from the radio.

3. I don't know how to tie a neck-tie. All of my ties stay neatly tied in my closet ready to slip on at a moments notice. The tie I wore for graduation was untied and I had the parking lot attendant tie it for me. Think I could make it to 40 without learning this?

4. I'm a conspiracy theorist ( I think). Either I'm listening to the wrong people, connecting to many dots but I'm starting to look more and more at the connection of all kinds of stuff. I don't think I'm crazy, yet. I'm convinced that NBC is on the take with GE (whom they are owned by) with all this green week stuff/propaganda. NBC's green week was promoting bulbs and technology that their parent company makes and never ever disclose this stuff. It's all shady. Don't get me started on the pentaverate that meets at the Shire and the work of Oprah.

5. My life mirrors much of Napoleon Dynamite:

The super long phone cord. Ours could stretch for two rooms and we had the same brown paneling.
feed the sheep/llama this. My mom would pull stuff out of the refrigerator, often a casserole dish, and I would go out there with a big spoon and start slinging stuff over the fence. I never did call the sheep "fat lards" though.
my first girlfriend. She looked like and talked just like that girl Deb. It was kind of creepy at first but this girl was a dead ringer for my first girlfriend in high school, Charlene. She also wore a similar puffy dress to the prom, it was purple and her hair due was equally as shocking.
the long country bus rides. I lived in the middle of now where and I had those long bus rides just like Napoleon. He kind of ruled the back of the bus but I was not that lucky. We had the Lewis brothers and their greasy mullets and rat tails to deal with.
my friend Rex Quondo. I have a good friend who looks just like Rex, is really into martial arts and when we had watched the movie together his wife had "just" made him throw his nun-chucks away. He found this movie amazingly painful to watch.

6. I'm a conservationist. I think the word environmentalist comes with way to much baggage these days and with plenty of crazy hypocrites. It is also one letter shorter and less wasteful than the previous title. I remember conservation officers and they respected nature, wanted land managed well and cooperated and respected creation. I'm down with all these things and I don't want to waste and enjoy creation. So I'm a conservationist.

7. I have a shoe buying phobia. Growing up you got what was on sale. I think this is where it started for me. You didn't get what you liked so choosing shoes these days leads to much panic and when I went shopping with Leslie this winter I sort of freaked out at the Mall. Only people like Andy Alexander had the new Air Jordans every year and he was athletic, good looking and had the most popular girl in school, Sarah Higgins. He got everything he wanted, except the STD's that Sarah gave him. I'm pretty sure that was not on his list of must haves.

245

2008-05-13T07:59:00.000-07:00

So this week we are feeding 1150 people at Laguna Christian Retreat in Panama City. It's a fun time by the beach and the drama and excitement never seems to go away. Last night we had spaghetti and cooked 180 lbs of dry spaghetti and a lovely blend of ground pork and beef to the tune of 245lbs. That's alot of grinding, cooking and seasoning. It really turns your appetite off after awhile.

We also had a 17 yr old kid cut his thumb and then passed out when he saw the blood. He always looked stoned anyways but now he had a good reason to look dazed. These cooks never cease to amaze us.

This picture was not taken down here and we had nothing to do with possible eating this road block.

DONE

2008-05-10T16:09:00.000-07:00

Surreal but I am done.

I just read "Prince Caspian" in one day and why? because I can. I'm done.

Enjoying Panama City, FL for a week..... Decompressing and loving it.

24

2008-05-06T09:54:00.001-07:00

in 24 hours I will finish my last class of seminary. 5 years and 13 semesters later, done. I'm so hopped up on caffeine and the Foo Fighters right now that I am not sure that working with the prophecy of Ezekiel is safe. I cross the Finish line on Thursday night with a final exam.

My favorite thought from the 5 projects I have done in the last 10 days is "Jonathan Edwards is as much an American theologian as Madonna is British."

It's probably time for me to be done with school for sure...

Quick Trip- too quick.

2008-04-22T16:25:00.001-07:00

I love this place. If you live near one they you know that they have the greatest drink selection ever and for this I love them. I craved my combo frozen capuccino/ vanilla steamer blend the other day and convinced myself I could afford the sugar rush. I let my truck fill up while I went and blended my sugar brew and was tickled. I was sipping on my drink as I pulled away and heard a weird sound. Couldn't figure out what in the world made that sound and looked in my side mirror as I pulled around and saw the open gas hatch. I must have still been in a sugar stupor and could not figure out what was going on. As I pulled around I saw lying on the ground the gas nosel and hose that was formerly pumping gas into my truck. Holy crap was my first reaction. When this happens in the movies things just blow up. Nothing happened. The hose is actually designed for idiots to do this and it has a quick release. What was worse was everyone driving by me and their looks of judgment. I wanted to pick the hose up and shake it over my head in victory just to over compensate for my shame. No one inside the store seemed too shocked so I went on my way. So I'm glad I didn't blow up. Yea!

Jesus Humor

2008-04-15T20:53:00.000-07:00

We always share stories in Christian circles about the stuff we find hilarious about our past or the current state of something in the church. "Being down with the D.C. talk" or someone making an "unspoken prayer request." Finally, they are cataloged here at what Christians like. This site is hilarious. I have enjoyed War Themed ministries and the Weekend Retreat getting dumped by your girlfriend to "focus on God." Thanks to the Reeds for this link.

Sermon Application from the kids.

2008-04-15T15:19:00.000-07:00

I preached this Easter at my home church in Sunman, IN. I preached on John 11 and the raising of Lazarus. In that sermon I pointed out that Martha didn't want Jesus to remove the stone from the tomb because it had been 4 days and it would smell really bad. I made the point that they knew how the natural world worked and after 4 days a body was definitely smelling. My 5 year old nephew, Joseph, listened to this and made this application in the car days later.

"The other day Becky and the kids were riding somewhere and a dog tried to attack the front tire of the Durango and someone made the comment that he would soon become road kill. A little while later they saw some buzzards circling and Clarissa said that the dog probably got smashed and they were looking to feast. Without any hesitation Joseph replied that could not be since it takes four days for it to start to smell."

At least somebody was listening.

Famous Last Words from John Calipari

2008-04-08T05:45:00.000-07:00

When the coach was asked before the tournament started if the fact that his team would have a problem being the 339th ranked free throw shooting team in the country he said, "We will make them when it counts." Well, not so much. The last two minutes of the game they shot 20% and for the game:

FT Made-Attempted

14-15 (.933)

12-19 (.632)

Rock Chalk Jay Hawk to all my friends celebrating. What a game!!!

Cutest Lords Prayer in History

2008-04-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

Kids are so much fun and especially that cool first three years when they experience everything without filtering their reactions. This little girl has a great memory and her dramatic pauses really add to the deep richness of her presentation. Enjoy!

Never thought I would say this...

2008-03-31T22:31:00.000-07:00

"What was so important that you had to interrupt me watching Slug Sex on a Saturday morning?", I told my brother.

Why did I say this? Because I was watching this on a Saturday morning while sitting in bed. I love my life and I am amazed that people take me seriously considering some of the insane things I choose to spend my time on.

I wish they would have been bumping "Sexy Back". Would have added to the whole effect for me.

A team worth rooting for

2008-03-28T09:50:00.000-07:00

If you don't follow college ball, all the moms reading and my fiancee, then here is a team worth rooting for, Davidson. A small school with high academic standards and just kind of lovable. This tiny school is playing in this giant stadium tonight and everyone at Davidson was invited, literally. This story tells of how the trustees decided that a school of 1,700 should be able to see their team play. Announced in class was an offer for anyone to come and watch the game, all expenses paid by the trustees. I want to be back in college and have that opportunity again. So root for Davidson as a great little team, from a little school making a big impact this weekend. Who wants to watch Hoosiers?

Domesticated Kevin- sign #23

2008-03-26T11:04:00.000-07:00

I cleaned the lid of the kitchen garbage can and the inside of the lid as well because I thought it was gross. I also had this thought, we need more kitchen towels, ?, we need more clean towels??, we need a better way to hang them,? What? When did you realize your man was gonna wear some "big boy" pants and get rid of the forest green everything in his bathroom?

Never cross a Water Buffalo!

2008-03-25T14:57:00.000-07:00

The youtube award for best event captured went to this spectacular National Geographic like moment. The moral of this video, "Never ever piss off a herd of Water Buffalo, even if your a pack of lions." Also, enjoy seeing the third player in this food chain showdown come springing out of the water.

Cal Berkely, Christ and "like you know."

2008-03-24T16:30:00.000-07:00

I love giving three name titles, it just feels right. Here is another video that is more of an apologetic for the Christian faith and is another helpful tool to watch. This is Tim Keller on his West coast tour. The Lecture is really good, the questions.. ah, not so much.

What's up with Cal. Berkeley? The questions were nothing on caliber with the ones that the folks working at Google cooked up(I don't expect you to sit through the end of the video to take in the glory of the fertile college minds). The way the students spoke reminded me of this video that I posted many months ago. I find myself going back to Taylor Mali often on this subject.

Speaking with Authority:

God, Google and the Resurrection

2008-03-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

Here is a great talk given by Tim Keller, at Google, on the topic of "The Reason for God." He has a new book out and somehow on his book tour he winds up at Google giving a great defense for the belief in God for a skeptical age. It's a really helpful lecture to learn from and the Q and A time is worth the wait. The very last question even allows Tim to talk about the Resurrection.

As I have been reading the scriptures on the Resurrection and considering the last question Tim gets (you'll have to watch) I realize that those who are skeptical that this ever happened think people in the 1st and 2nd century were morons. They didn't know how the world worked and they were gullible saps. Look at this beauty.

This is a fully functioning aqueduct. They built
this thing. Romans were not moron but knew
how to design and understood the natural world.
When Jesus wants the stone rolled away at Lazarus's tomb they say "It's been 4 days, it's going to smell." 4 day old dead people just don't get up and start walking around on their own. A resurrected person, a person who was crucified and buried and now is walking around three days later is either something to be laughed at by them or marveled by.

Have a glorious Easter and praise God for him revealing his Glory in the resurrected Christ.

I've got a need, a need for Green

2008-03-12T20:40:00.000-07:00

Who wants to be Green!! Since that color could get annoying quickly lets jump back into the beautiful color of oil and coal and talk about the environment. Unless you have been splitting wood in a shed for 5 years in Montana you have heard that Global Warming is on the rise (pun intended) and that if we don't act to save the planet then the affects would be irreversible. You saw NBC's Green Week and got a sense of the problem (note: NBC is owned by GE who makes a but load of light bulbs, so surely no vested interest at all) That's some seriously scary stuff but I kept on hearing small bits of radio shows or a article that was actually skeptical of this slam dunk fact of which Al Gore informed us, "The debate is over." Apparently the debate is not over among some pretty smart scientists.

The best source I have found to hear what I think is a thoughtful look at the science of climate and how the earth works is a BBC documentary called "The Great Global Warming Swindle." It's very well done and the narrator has a British accent so it is a slamdunk. They explain things like temperature change preceding CO2 going up, the effect the ocean plays in this whole game and that the sun (go figure) might actually be the main reason for the .71 Cel. increase in temperature over the last 100 years

Pay attention to temperature change before Co2 levels, this information is vitally backwards. Temperature change precedes Co2 going up so that means that the solution of reducing Co2 is completely flawed. Now even if Co2 causes temperature change the solutions to reduce Co2 are utterly ineffective. Australia, for example, will effectively eliminate the incandescent light bulb around 2010 and be using compact fluorescents. They estimate they will reduce their C02 emission by 800,000 metrics tons! Boo yah, slam dunk. Way to go, Aussie Aussie Aussie- Oye Oye Oye. One thing, that number makes up .21 percent of the entire continents Co2 emissions. Hmmm. Also, there is mercury, a "neurotoxin", in those there light bulbs read this NPR article
here about that.

Well, what will really make a difference is full compliance with the Kyoto Protocol that Bush gets hammered about never signing and the U.S. should join the global community in this en devour. Watch this clip from a special called "The Climate of Fear" about the history of Kyoto. Check out the graph they show about full compliance to Kyoto. It's not a solution at all. You get to see Al Gore in this clip, so joy.

Did you know that volcanoes produce more Co2 than all man made activity. We are a small slice of the pie.The Earth is a big big place, with 75% covered in water we can only occupy 25% , so the ocean has us out numbered in space 3 to 1. We live on an amazing planet and being wise with what we throw away, introducing toxins into the environment and stewarding creation is a great and good thing. We should do this with zeal but it should be informed zeal and do work that gains real solutions and not because of hype and some bad science.

Why do blogs exist?

2008-03-10T21:08:00.000-07:00

There are three answers to this question:

1. To tell people what you are thinking.

2. To share funny stuff.

3. To show your kids going "poopy in the potty".

All blog activity falls neatly into these categories. A beatboxing hound dog for example would be something you would put on a blog. I added this to my link side bar. I don't post number twos by anybody I know or don't know, so you can count that out. What I will do with my next two posts is tell you what I think, number ones, about the environment and economics. I have been saving bits and links and I am going to just float some stuff out there for your digestion and some will be nourishing and some will fall within the "poopy in the potty", but hopefully not all that much. These are just things I found fascinating, illuminating or worth bringing into the discussion on these topics. I'm a big picture guy so I like to tie pieces together to make sense of the big picture. I will do the environment first because we all might die or get .2 degrees hotter over the next 50 years so I better get cracking.

"Just aim and squeeze"

2008-03-08T18:52:00.000-08:00

Who knew that making pancakes and waffles could be so convenient. I can't even believe this product exist. In fact, I didn't believe this product exist but go here and read more about this product. I just don't know how many times I have been in a pinch where a can of spray and shoot batter would have saved me. Breakfast just got easier and organic.

Thanks to clusterflock for this find.

"Just gettin by"

2008-03-04T21:19:00.000-08:00

Here is your first installment of a how to video series called "Scrappin". It's not just a job, it is a way of life. Feel free to send your questions to Doyle about any subject covered on "Scrappin". So please enjoy this fun and educational time with Doyle Riddle.

"Pisseth", The worst sermon ever preached

2008-02-28T18:21:00.000-08:00

Wow this is bad, painful, sad, funny, bad and painful. For those of you near Tempe, AZ, feel free to drop in on pastor Steve L. Anderson and show him what a male or female can do with a hard cover copy of the ESV. Also, I'm dieing to know what our local church pew illustrator, John Hendrix, would put in his sketch book after this sermon. Enjoy!

Jesus is a rat with feet

2008-02-25T14:41:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry, what? Have you ever been singing a song for a long time and then you get the look. The look of the informed who say's "It's Jesus is just alright with me." This website "kissthisguy.com" is a site that documents that confusion.

I would love to hear your stories about stuff you really botched. My best so far is that while holding my fiancee I sang those great lines from the Todo song "Rosana" with great compassion "Let's go all the way." The look...... it's "meet you all the way." "Really?"

I know you all have done this so fess up.

Number One!

2008-02-16T19:35:00.000-08:00

I have arrived. I have been working at this for months hoping that someday it would happen and finally today I have arrived. If you Google Kevin Bley we're number one baby. I really don't know who to thank first. Jesus, we did this together and I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. For my Jewish friends I just also want to thank Moses and Abraham who without their patriarchal and law like giving this would not be possible. Thanks to the makers of Crocs, Velveeta and really slow people at grocery stores who give me such great content. To my fiancee Leslie who introduced me to the comma and made this sentence correct by putting the correct "to" in its right place. I'm humbled. Keep reading and if you get bored just Google my name to kill time. I can hear the music but I also couldn't leave this blog tonight without thanking the man who got me started in my career, Aaron Spelling. I know your watching from up there somewhere, thank you.

True Jackassery

2008-02-14T13:56:00.000-08:00

Here are some funny, clever people who aren't cruel but have a good laugh in the stunts they pull in public. Check out there work here- link

Grand Central Freeze

No Shirt, No Problems.

Not of this planet

2008-02-13T20:24:00.000-08:00

Here is a fine blog post from someone who is becoming a "foodie". The post is about something I am convinced did not originate on this planet, Velveeta. It's gooey, yellow, binding but I am sorry it is not cheesy because it ain't cheese. How do I know such a thing? Scientific observation. When you have left any cheese in the fridge to long the inevitable happens, mold. This did not stop my grandfather from "digging and carving" and finding the good cheese deep down. I can appreciate his efforts but green fuzz is where I stop caring about the food.

My old roommate from years ago made something that he called "Super Dip". This consisted of putting in a crock pot two logs of Velveeta, two cans of Velveeta, spicy rotel tomatoes and one lb of browned sausage. Not only will this stick to your ribs but also to the hull of an air craft carrier. He made this dip one time and did not clean the remnants in the crock pot for 6 months. What happened? Nothing, holy crap, nothing. No single celled organism saw fit to call that yellow wasteland home. Velveeta is from another planet and should be an element on the periodic table.
Ve- Velveetium. It is not cheese.

How it all went down

2008-02-06T18:19:00.000-08:00

Because we didn't get tired of telling the story and I realize pictures would help and some of you don't know how I snagged the Croc Lady and I love typing run on sentences, here is the story.

I was finally able to take hold of the ring a week ago friday (215 lbs of scrap copper, a 100.00 bill found on the ground) helped compose this lovely lovely ring. If you are in St. Louis go see David Kodner because he is a good man and an unbelievable jeweler. I didn't exactly lie but did tell Leslie that there was something wrong with the ring on Wed. (true, it wasn't engraved but I was going to get it two days later) I was really just omitting information.

We had planned dinner and both of us assumed we had the gift certificate to the restaurant we were going to. This small interaction could be a foretaste of future events but she swore she gave it to me to "manage" and I swore that I never received it to "manage". I think I probably lost it but we let that all go and enjoyed a fine meal. I convinced her to go back to the apartment to "recreate" something from our relationship. I actually did fool her and I was so glad that we did this early in the evening because I was getting sick to my stomach.

Amy, Chris and Tirzah ( the flower fairies) came in behind us leaving and decorated the apartment. When you turned the corner you saw this.

There were candles lit everywhere and these three daisies leading the way towards the "precious" aka the ring. (currently there are two people laughing hardily at the precious reference. This is one of my best times jokes ever in a prayer group in Nashville about an engagement ring. For those of you not there you missed a comedic gold moment)

I think Leslie was kind of surprised and didn't expect that there was going to be a ring at all. The three flowers lead to the rest of the flowers. The box was really cool and had a bow that tied it together. There were 30 flowers mixed on the table of daises and roses so the three on the floor made 33. That's how long she waited for a man like me. Surely worth the wait (i'm speaking for her I suppose).

We got to enjoy the moment for approximately a minute and a half of being engaged when there was a knock at the kitchen door. Her landlord had come up the back steps to tell her about the rock salt she had put down. Thanks Deb. We did not answer the door and got real quiet.

So here are some happy pics of us, the ring, the flowers.

Mrs. Croc Lady and the Romance of Groundhogs Day

2008-02-03T20:32:00.000-08:00

The Croc. Lady has succumb to my wit and charm and she said yes to my slurred marriage proposal (i messed up her name first time asking. She was not going to say yes to "Lerslie")

Pictures coming soon...

Kevin.

Geography, Politics and Humor.

2008-01-31T20:46:00.000-08:00

Depending on how you lean politically you should still find this funny. Super Tuesday is coming up next week with 11 states making the sweet move to polls. That sound they are making is the sound of freedom my friends. At the intersection above is the corner of universal health care and higher taxes. I thought I might blog about some relevant issues for the week. So some fun and informational blogs on global warming and economics are coming down the pike. Anything else you want the skinny on? ( I can tell you anything but how Lay's makes there crunchy wavy chips. That goes to the grave with me.)

"Beat the hell out of it!"

2008-01-27T20:01:00.000-08:00

When you call a qualified professional to get advice about a subject that you cannot figure out on your own, you expect a certain "professionalism" to the response. When my tire was flat in my drive way two weeks ago I changed to the spare and plugged the hole with my plug kit (don't you all have a tire plug kit?, I used to carry everything from plugs to an air compressor and serviced my own vehicles when they broke down on the rode). So when I went to take the spare off last week it would not come off. I was pulling with all my might and nothin. When I am in this spot I call my brother, the professional diesel mechanic, to give me his best advice. He is always helpful.
Here we are, he is on the left, checking out a dozer. Yes, I got to drive this by myself. Awesome. So what Eric said next to my question was " have you tried kicking it?" Me- "No" Eric- "Well, just put your back up against something and starting kicking the hell out of it." Great advice from the mechanic. I tried this and nothing. No special tool or procedure, just kicking.

Fast forward to Thursday and it is 6 freaking degrees. I am on my way to work and I am about to turn left onto an intersection and as I turn I see a Ford Expedition speeding towards me, blocked by a row of cars, and so I swerve wildly out of the way and hit the concrete curb in the highway. I knew when I hit it what would happen next. The spare, stuck tire was going flat rapidly and I came to stop a mile down the road smoking and flat.

The tire looked similar to exhibit A. to your right.
I tried again with no success to get this tire off to put my perfectly good tire on that I had ready to go. I had to call a tow truck driver and when he showed up he was surprised that I didn't have a spare. I told him that was not my problem and that it was stuck. He asked if he could try. I winced as he pried on things that don't need to have bars rammed into them. He then started round 2 with two new tools that expanded what my brother had said and gave his words power.

What you need to get a stuck tire off is a hammer, a 4x4 and you need to "Beat the hell out of it(comma) like you don't own it." My dear tow truck drive starting wailing on my rim with a hammer and after some winsing on my part it moved a 1/4 of an inch.

With new courage I got under the truck with a 4x4 to participate and protect my truck from him and I starting beating the hell out of that rim like I didn't own it and with in 30 seconds POP. Yes! The family motto "We fix problems."

Within one hour of the incident I was back on the road and the driver took off with a sweet grin on his face of accomplishment.

I guess my brother was right, it just took someone else to show me what he meant.

5 percent approval rating

2008-01-23T14:50:00.000-08:00

Finally, at post number 18 I get some love and flattered to the point of blushing. Yes!(I also received a strongly worded letter from W.A.N.S.M. headquarters which will be posted tomorrow)

Trev Diesel said...: Amy and I read and re-read your post multiple times.

Sheer genius, my friend.

You really should freelance write for some magazines. Brilliant.
(And I'm with you on each and every point - even the "controversial" ones)

Check me Out!!

2008-01-21T16:24:00.000-08:00

(I write and rock to Beck-Odelay)

If you know me at all then you know that I am an artist. I don't limit my work to just Carpentry, electrical work or clogging though. Anything I lay my hands to I want to figure out how to do well. This pursuit would include the art of the self-checkout. I have developed over the last few years a mental check list. I make the list when I step up to the stations and want to get in line and prepare myself to do some truly special work when I get there. Here is the mental checklist you should have in place to successfully check yourself out and choose the right line:

1. Do I have produce? This will slow you down greatly because people do not know what to do with produce during self check out. I have gotten proficient enough that taking three avocados up there does not concern me. If anyone in front you has anything from the salad bar, get in the other line. Also you would be amazed how people cannot find a banana and then mess up the weight by leaning on the scale.

2. Technological competence? I titled this technology but honestly what I want to say is you need to get behind the 20-35 year old male and usually(bold denoting emphasis) not a woman. Women are just more relational than task oriented. If you can tell she is a Mom, then she is living in a perpetual state of distraction or worry and I can't tell you how many times I see the purse come out to pay for something and the process of "digging" begins. A 20-30 something male is proficient at technology, is completely focused on the dip and Doritos in front of him and he has a small wallet and will not be paying in cash. This decision will be THE key to checking out quickly.

3. Booze? Get out of the way of people buying it and choose another line. You don't want to hear in front of you "please show your i.d. to the attendant." That sound is the sound of you standing longer than you need too.

4. Shopping Cart vs. Basket? I think shopping carts should be banned from self-check out and I personally police myself on this one but get behind the basket person. That basket shows you the attitude of mobility.

I hit the perfect storm in front of me a few weeks ago and it made me recommit to my core checking values. I'm in self-check out and in front of me is a middle aged women (mistake one) she has a shopping cart (mistake two) she has a bluetooth IN and ON that I could not see (mistake three) she is a sassy black women and used girlfriend twice in her conversation (not a mistake but made it fun and I wished I had a sassy black friend) she had a big bottle of wine (mistake 4) and produce (mistake 5). I made my mental check list and just had to eventually laugh as I stood behind her and had no where else to go with all 4 stations occupied by rule breakers and the elderly when she put the icing on the cake for me. She paid cash and not just regular cash but with a 100. A manager had to be brought over. YES, YES, Connect Freakin Four we have a winner.

I hope this has been educational and for those offenders reading this I hope you learned. I look forward to your insights and angry responses.

-Skittles (funnest word ever)

Word of the year (RETRACTION)

2008-01-14T18:38:00.000-08:00

So I know I might have violated the sacred trust between blogger and blog reader but I completely fabricated the NPR word of the year as dorcile. I mainly did it to show how much credibility something gets if you "heard it on NPR". You stick a couple of hyper links into a document and a NPR reference and it's gold. Sorry for the fake word "dorcile". I'm convinced it should be a word though. I'll continue my assault on the English language but with words that are not made up.

The Office and Gen. 1-3

2008-01-10T07:50:00.000-08:00

Ricky Gervais, of the BBC Office and Extras, reads and commentates on Gen. 1-3. It's really funny and insightful on how someone who is not a Christians reads the bible. I think this is worth your time and I was actually encouraged as I thought about God and some of the stuff he said. There is a little profanity so mindful of little ears you Mom's and Dad's. It's 10 minutes so give your self sometime. Enjoy friends.

Domesticated and an alarm clock

2008-01-03T17:12:00.000-08:00

I am pleased to introduce you to Bob2. This is my mom's second rooster. You can tell by the previous name not her first, may he rest in piece dear Bob 1. He loves to come through the front door and stand by the refrigerator and wait for some grapes. He loves to eat grapes and will jump up and eat them out of your hand. His feathers are softer than I thought they would be but this does not keep Bob 2 from biting. He got me twice and I was forced to kick him. He drew blood on the leg of our waterman, Bruce. Bob2 protects his back door fiercely, he does this so well that a few weeks ago my dad found this note from the U.S. Post office affixed to the front door. "Pickup: Local post office. Failed Delivery- Reason: Rooster" We recommend bringing grapes with you because it's hard to tell what mood a Rooster and especially Bob2 could be in.

And your word of the year is...

2008-01-02T17:11:00.001-08:00

Dorcile. Who knew? Apparently of all the new words that could be created for 2007, this was our clear cut winner. I heard this on NPR because I'm a refined urban yuppie poser with my L.L. Bean slippers but still having a pickup truck. This is the gist of what Dorcile means.

Dorcile- (pron. Door-syle) means to move swiftly showing animal like quickness, apparently a reference to any fish but i like to think of dolphins and their cute little dorsal fins.

I blame/attribute this new word to the proliferation of the movie Finding Nemo and more importantly for people like myself not using the word docile correctly. Apparently, as I get corrected by English majors in the room, I never use this word correctly. Docile is someone who is teachable, pliable, instructable and can be derogatory like a whooped husband. Docile sounds like something should be moving quickly, like a docile animal. I am glad to know that the people who cook up words keep up with people like me who think a docile animal moves quickly and can invent words to keep pace with my assault on the English language.

I can now say that the animal is really dorcile or better yet that I am really dorcile (because my slamming calves give me that ability.)

Thanks NPR for giving me such good content in the most boring way possible.

1:15 a.m.

2007-12-15T07:58:00.000-08:00

153 Ultimate Rock Ballads!

Because if they gave me 150 I would feel cheated, like they had not tried. 153 seems like a number that was given a lot of thought and that was all they could squeeze onto 9 CDs.

Call in the next 60 minutes and they drop 29.99 and you go from 5 payments to just 4 payments of 29.99. "Opportunity of a lifetime" is what I am told from The Kevin Cronin of REO Speed wagon, in a shirt he should know better not to wear but doesn't. If I had not stayed up past 1:15 a.m. before I would have believed him but I have been sold this line before. Do we just shut our brains off after 1:15? We sit in front of our TV's and I see mullet after mullet paraded with spandex, leather, aquanet, wet and dry, it does not matter. Mullets, mullets and even when I flip I get a "prophet" speaking for God. I'm sure God is speaking but I am not listening to any prophet with a wet, jerry curled white guy mullet. Now back to this deal of a lifetime…

Call in the next 10 minutes and you get the best of the 70's- Yes, Eddie Money and Kansas for free. That fact could get me over the lingering insecurity that my penus needs enlargement (wow, Lord please don't let my mother see this) and I can't afford the "natural" supplements that I apparently need but I can afford the 120.00 dollars for 153 rock ballads. I need more Steve Perry in my life. No one ever told him that he looks like he got out of the shower, left his hair flat and sings like a woman to other women. Weren't the 80's so wonderful? "Meatloaf just has one of those voices that gives you goose bumps"-did I just hear that? I have goose bumps and I'm craving ground beef topped with ketchup.

I don't think I can fight this feeling any more, should I buy this C.D. set? Can these songs take me high enough because love hurts and I could close my eyes, only for just a moment but the moment could be gone. Maybe I should buy this C.D. set because this is more than a feeling, surely. I want to know what love is and I know these songs could show me because I don't know if this is love, I've been searching for it, but how will I know true love. I need 153 lessons on true love. It's like I am having a total eclipse of the heart, I can't see. At least they can help me narrow it down to girls named Oh'Sherrie, Sara, Carrie, Beth, Amanda, Rosanna (let's go all the way) or your sister Christian.

This is almost paradise. Thank you Time life. Thank you

Inside the cooks kitchen vol. 1- Sausage Chronicles

2007-12-12T07:05:00.000-08:00

Much like "Inside the actors studio" I hope to pick the brains of people who love food like I do and get some insight for all to learn. Our first interview will be a man who is my dear friend, fellow N. Ireland traveler, computer guru, thinker and all around good guy Michael Atkins- "The Patron Saint of Sausage". I kind of see him as the Lewis and Clark of my culinary experience, always up for adventure and exploration. Let's dive in!

-How did you become the Patron Saint of Sausage?

It was a sunny summer day in the home of black pudding (Northern Ireland) when a discussion on the topic of sausage began. It was probably overwhelming enthusiasm rather than any professional qualification that earned the title. I've not worked any miracles, but I have smoked breakfast sausage over hickory and mesquite and that blurs the line quite a bit. I do hope to carry the mantle in a worthy manner for years to come.

-What is it about sausage that makes it better than a pork chop or hamburger, which are in the meat family?

Two things immediately come to mind...fat and spice. The American pig farmer, responding to popular demand, has basically bred the fat right out of the pig population. Additionally, the FDA has instilled visions of painful infections or death at the thought of not cooking your pork chop until it resembles something akin to shoe leather. Cattle farmers suffer from the similar anti-fat initiatives as their porcine brethren. These days, people will pay huge sums for ridiculously lean beef only to top it with three cheeses, bacon and bleu cheese dressing.

You simply don't have those kinds of challenges with sausage. It doesn't require condiments, buns, or special sauce. Everything you need to enjoy it is already inside. In a family with a member whose name is Lardo, you know exactly what you're getting. That is the sausage family.

-What are you top two go to sausages for yumminess and merriment?

Since I began smoking meat in recent months, nothing brings a smile to my face faster than smoked breakfast sausage (known simply as "fatties"). Sausage began life in human history as a way to preserve meat. Something about taking it back to the basics of meat and smoke connects us with the generations of sausage fathers past.

I also have a huge warm spot for the entire salumi family...from bresaola to cappicola to salami and everything in between. The branch of the family that is cured will be high on the list of any disciple.

-What are your favorite ways to prepare the aforementioned sausage?

It's hard to mess up sausage. There are branches of the family I have yet to sample...mostly in the organ meat department (I'm not settled on the "pate is sausage" debate that is older than we are). Sausages can be boiled, fried, smoked, cured, simmered, dried, and fermented (mmm...summer sausage) with the expected outcome almost always being delicious. I'm relatively purist when it comes to serving. I'm not saying sausage should never be combined with sauces or soups - I've had my share of great gumbos and pastas with italian sausage - I'm simply saying you can't judge a sausage solely on those appearances. You need to give each one a chance to perform on its own.

-I was shocked as you educate me in knowledge of the sausage just how many types there are. What are one or two sausages that are just a real delight that people know little about?

Anytime someone is entering the arena as a novice and is looking to have their eyes opened quickly, I turn to my old friend Chorizo. Chorizo represents a lot of what's right in the sausage world. It is intensely spiced and contains copious amounts of fat - the combination produces one of the best apologetic arguments...forget cosmology...have you tried chorizo?

Other recommendations usually depend on the person seeking guidance. I'm quick to send someone down the salumi path. They are easy to get, require no preparation, and taste delicious. For some, the sense of adventure draws them down the organ meat path. For them, it's boudin. Boudin is balanced in its presentation and gives a relatively easy entry way into organ meats. Black pudding and some of the scandinavian sausages are available to those wishing to move beyond basic boudin.

- Have you ever made your own sausage or are plans in the works?

The making of sausage has been maligned to the point of absurdity. Really, anyone who would compare making such a beautiful product to politics must never have seen either. While I haven't yet produced my own, I'm certainly not against it. Unfortunately, the economics of the situation limit the varieties available to the sausage artist at home. I think a nice andouille would be a great segue into what has the potential to become an obsession.

-I know you have a smoker, how has sausage been apart of that enterprise?

Smoking has brought an entirely new dimension to the enjoyment of sausage at my house. Anytime the smoker is turned on, you will find at least 3 fatties cooking alongside whatever other meat is being beautified. If you have a smoker, you owe it to yourself to do this!

- How would you recommend including sausage into meals this holiday season?

Sausage is a part of the celebrations of many cultures. Not too long ago, winter was a time when preserved foods became everyday staples as supplies of fresh foods diminished. Do some genealogical research and discover the sausage traditions of your ethnic and cultural ancestors. From Europe to Asia to Latin America and everywhere in between - sausage has a proud heritage. There is a huge number of prepared dishes featuring sausage. Sausage can appear on a platter with cheese for an appetizer. Sausage can be featured in dressing as a side dish. Sausage, of course, can be the star of the show as well. Really, there is no excuse for failing to have sausage in some form at your family feasts.

-Do you have a history of heart disease that could interfere with your pursuit of this passion?

I may have a history, but I don't have one that will interfere.

-Finally, Ron Paul, good idea?

See, there you go messing up a perfectly good discussion about sausage by bringing politics into it. I'll do my best to answer. Ron Paul is like a nicely aged bresaola among a platter of really weak, grocery store, water-laden bolognas.*

(all views expressed are those of the interviewee and do not always reflect the views of the author of this blog nor do they often reflect reality)

Hope you all enjoyed. Look for more interviews and I hope I can get my big interview opportunity with Moby. He is real and I will avoid every temptation to make a stupid whale joke.

My day is made

2007-12-08T14:01:00.000-08:00

It's the little things people that just make you grin. My friends the Hendrix's love them some White Castles (sliders for those in the know) and so when I saw them this afternoon I started craving them. I drove over to the White Castle after leaving their presence and got my sammies (with extra pickle). I get to the drive through window and the credit card machine is broken. I have no cash. I tell my friend this and he asks me if I want ketchup. I said no, he gave me the bag and I reminded him I have no money. The man said it was cool and I drove off with free White Castles with extra pickle. I started singing "Free White Castle" over and over as I drove away.. Happy Day.

How I get stupid

2007-12-04T16:19:00.000-08:00

When I need to keep my head from hurting after finishing a 5,000 word document and life just seems to be too stressful or work is just too "high brow" I need to kick it low brow. Maybe your stress is different and every time I think, man I'm busy, then I realize I don't have kids and I am not breast feeding right now or I have kids waking me up at night etc.. so life is good..

All said, let's get stupid with some videos. I'll be writing soon on Grammar, beavers and another sausage post.

Nice impersation of Matthew Mcconaugheyyyyyy ah my goodness you fine.

Unlike the above video, this gets funnier the more you watch it and really helps us get stupid

Hannah Montana of Bluegrass

2007-12-01T08:38:00.001-08:00

Because I know that you come to me for your hard hitting bluegrass news let me introduce you to Sierra Hull who must be the Hannah Montana of bluegrass. She is not related to Billy Ray, which actually goes to her credibility, so don't be confused by that. She has some chops and it's great to watch them jam in the living room with wood paneling behind them and a guy on mandolin a.k.a "the chili dipper" with handle bar mustache. Do you think his name is Randy, Fletcher or Dale?

Enjoy!

Giving him the what?

2007-11-29T12:42:00.000-08:00

In a crazy college football season it is only appropriate that this "penalty" would be called during a game this year. Also, Auburn 6 in a row pushing Alabama to 6-6.. 666 and a Coach named Saban. Priceless.

Bravo to official Ron Cherry for giving us a new category for personal fouls.

"We fix problems""

2007-11-24T15:59:00.000-08:00

.. should be the family motto for the Bley's. I have told my boss many times that he likes me because I fix problems and don't create them. So what do you do in this situation (sort of a McGyver scenario):

You come home to your simple house that you have put together with your own two hands and you notice a blood spot near your driveway. You pull in and you see in the ditch next to the highway a deer. Someone hit it but still alive. You think that the deer will just die over night and that will be the end of this journey. The next morning you come out and the deer is still alive. What do you do?

What my brother did was call the county sheriff to tell him that he had a deer still alive next to his house. The sheriff comes out, gets his "deer gloves" out and drags the deer out of the ditch. He pulls his service revolver and puts the deer out of his misery. He then issues my brother a "Highway Kill" permit and he takes possession of the deer. He cuts it and dresses it and now he wants to sausagifiy his deer but doesn't have a meet grinder and only has the attachment with no motor. What do you do? Exhibit A:

What you have here is a custom, variable speed- 1/2" Makita meat grinder. All you need is a hand me down drill from your brother (me) a dimmer switch, pipe clamp, quick clamp and some zip ties. Now you are ready for the process of sausagification. My brother mix's deer and pork sausage for what is known as "dork". I had a dork burger and it was delicious.

... problem solved.

(It should be noted for all you wanting to have this type of opportunity that the county does have a call list for "Highway Kill" but they can call you at 3 a.m. and you got to come get it while it's hot. My brothers brother-in law has been on this call list. Who wants to come home for Christmas with me?)

O-H-I-O

2007-11-16T22:43:00.000-08:00

College Football is God's good gift to me to make me happy during the fall. That and hoodies and what else could you want. Marching bands are a big part of that and there is nothing cooler than seeing "script Ohio" performed by The Ohio State University. The logistics of how they do this I still am figuring out. Enjoy and wait until they dot the "I". Please enjoy the cheesy narration as well